Affluent Savvy
Affluent Savvy
Photo: August de Richelieu
Repeating entire conversations in your head is a type of rumination. It's how your mind attempts to self-soothe. The more you replay the details of a conversation, the more you may feel you can interpret what happened. You may also find that this helps you plan for a future outcome.
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Learn More »If you’re thinking, “Why do I repeat conversations in my head?” you’re not alone. It’s called rumination — and it’s not that uncommon. Whether you can’t shake off the last meeting you had with your boss, or you’re repeatedly thinking about last night’s chat with your partner, you may feel like your brain is stuck in a loop. When this happens, it’s natural to think you’d do anything to give your mind a rest… if only you knew where to find the magic “off” button. It’s not uncommon to feel this way. To understand how ruminating thoughts work, it can be helpful to acknowledge why they happen in the first place. What’s rumination? The word “rumination” describes a process of having certain thoughts on repeat. For some people, ruminating thoughts are a way to control anxiety. It may mean you’re replaying life events in an attempt to make sure that next time, you’re prepared and won’t feel as anxious. Repeating entire conversations in your head is a type of rumination. It’s how your mind attempts to self-soothe. The more you replay the details of a conversation, the more you may feel you can interpret what happened. You may also find that this helps you plan for a future outcome. It’s an attempt to reduce the anxiety that event may be causing you. The challenge, though, is that rumination can be a difficult treadmill to get off, once you’ve stepped on. It can consume your entire day and make it difficult to stay rooted in the present moment. But the process isn’t always voluntary, and in any case, you can learn to manage it. “Rumination can develop as a result of traumatic experiences or the false belief that repeatedly thinking about this one thing can help solve the problem,” says Natalie Bernstein, a psychologist and therapeutic life coach in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. “There’s an idea that forcing ourselves to think about a situation will lead to a solution.” This can sometimes be confused with obsessive thinking, which is when intrusive and unwanted thoughts become persistent and cause you a great deal of distress. In some cases, they may lead you to engage in compulsive rituals to decrease this distress. Rumination often means you replay an event in your mind. Obsessions are often unwanted and related more to a fear of possible experiences than recollections of actual events. Obsessive thinking can be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Rumination may also be a symptom of mental health conditions: generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
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Learn More »Do I need to see a professional? We all repeat conversations or events in our heads from time to time. For example, it may be natural for some people to replay a situation that caused them great distress or hurt. If you just broke up with your partner, you may find yourself thinking about every detail of what they said or what you did or didn’t do. If you know you’ll see your former partner at a party, you may replay all possible scenarios in your head before attending the party. Eventually, though, these repetitive thoughts may ease up and become less frequent. The accompanying emotions may also become less intense. But because rumination may become chronic and be a symptom of a mental health condition — or be associated with trauma — sometimes it’s a good idea to consult with a professional to figure out how to find relief. How to stop replaying events or conversations in your head While it may not be easy to pull yourself out of an endless thought loop, it’s possible to manage and stop rumination. Consider the following tips as a first step: Grounding exercises Grounding is a somatic exercise that implies bringing your mind to the present moment and focusing on your body sensations. “Simple exercises like taking a moment to name one thing you see, smell, taste, feel, and hear [can] pull you out of the future thinking and worrying, and bring you back to the present,” says Kristin Miller, a family physician in Yukon, Oklahoma. “The possible problems of the future cannot exist in the present.” Adjust your expectations “I have found in my practice that my anxious patients are also some of my smartest patients. They are perfectionists,” says Miller. “They replay scenarios in their mind that they feel they did not control the way they wanted to, or worry about not having control in the future and try to think of a way to change it and make it a better situation.” If you live with perfectionist tendencies, consider going easier on yourself. If you’re thinking about a tough conversation, for example, know that you did the best you could at the time with the tools you had — and if you would’ve known differently, you would’ve done differently. You’re only human. Counter your brain When you catch yourself ruminating, try to talk to your brain and tell it to stop, says Bernstein. You could say things like, “Not knowing what will happen is hard but I can handle anything that comes my way.” To build onto this, you may want to write out a solution to any problem your mind comes up with, as a way of interrupting the pattern. Do a state change You may find that rumination comes up in your quiet moments, like while driving or taking a shower. If you’re able to, change your state of mind or surroundings. You may want to try: moving your body
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