Affluent Savvy
Affluent Savvy
Photo: cottonbro studio
They just do not like to talk about some things. Those things that make them feel uncomfortable and out of control. In the universal male socialisation script, a man is brought up to speak to a woman's heart, to say only those things that will make her happy and glad. It is a hard habit to shake off.
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Learn More »One of the first things that men quickly learn when they start coupling is to talk less and listen more. Experience teaches one that a closed mouth, gathers no foot. At some point, early in the relationship, a man figures that when a woman says she wants to talk which is the politically correct word for vent, it is translated to mean, “Do not reach for solutions or an alibi”. When she says, we need to communicate, what a man hears is, “I demand an openhearted confession with full disclosure” which only serves to keep him firmly behind the iron curtain of silence. Men and women communicate differently but it is not that men do not like talk. They just do not like to talk about some things. Those things that make them feel uncomfortable and out of control. In the universal male socialisation script, a man is brought up to speak to a woman’s heart, to say only those things that will make her happy and glad. It is a hard habit to shake off. It is an evolutionary fact that women are better at talking. Women speak to connect and with intricate nuances. Men are plain speakers and use talk to impress. When he cannot impress using his words, he resorts to actions for they speak louder than words. The male human animal displays a wide breath of elaborate courtship gestures from the subtle to ostentatious. Whole countries have been invaded to impress a woman. Don’t say you love me when you show me! But underestimate the power of words at your own peril. Women wear their feelings on their sleeves and rarely have trouble waving them like a team flag. Men deem feelings to be precious crown jewels that should hidden and secured firmly behind a jockstrap. Letting a woman toy with them could lead to painful consequences. Women also invest more thought into where the relationship is headed than they realize. They sweat the details. Men tend to adopt a laissez-faire attitude after the courtship phase and relationship contentment becomes akin to a car maintenance routine. Check the oil every 3000kms and the tyre pressure before a road trip. If it is not smoking or jerking, it should be fine. There is a false sense of peace in leaving the uncomfortable things unsaid A man expects a woman to figure what he is trying to say or not, through his actions. Take the instance of a wife who complains of her mute hubby. She wants to hear the word love from his lips regularly. The hubby on the other hand figures words are fickle customers and prefers action oriented communication. He fixes everything she complains about in the house, gets that prostrate examination she requested and has a word with a school teacher about Junior’s performance in class. He does all this to show respect, loyalty and indeed, love. But what the woman is really asking for, is a series of loving gestures that he considers the petty sweet nothings and love is lost in translation.
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