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What is the paradox of money?

Here's the Money Paradox: Money has nothing to do with wealth. It is a tool for facilitating transactions, but it is not the fresh air, the pure water, or the fertile soil. It is not the caring neighbors, words of encouragement from an elder, or a child's hug.

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The Money Paradox

I’m not sure how we started talking, but as she stood there in her linen suit in the hotel lobby, twirling the keys to her BMW around her finger, we learned we had a lot in common—a love of the outdoors, a passion for nourishing food, daughters about the same age. In the course of just a few minutes’ conversation, we learned we’d even started out the same: English majors who decided to sit for the LSAT, the law school entrance exam. The difference was that she sat all the way through hers and eventually became a Boston attorney. I sat through about fifteen minutes of the LSAT, lamenting that I was missing out on the first glorious day of spring. I had an epiphany in that moment that if I sat through until the end, I’d be missing out on the first glorious day of spring for the next forty years of my life. So I walked out. No linen suits or BMWs in my future. I thought I seemed laughable to her, standing there in my overalls and flip-flops, so I was surprised when she erupted with passionate enthusiasm when I mentioned our family café. “I’ve always wanted to run a little café!” she exclaimed. “You’re so lucky! Someday, when I save up enough, I’m going to do that!” She sounded determined enough that I almost believed her. Then she had to run to make her meeting. I didn’t get a chance to tell her about the Money Paradox: the reason why her belief in needing more would cause her dream to crunch under the tires of her BMW. So I’m telling you. Now that you understand the two different economies, you’ll see it a whole lot faster. Here’s the Money Paradox:

Money has nothing to do with wealth.

It is a tool for facilitating transactions, but it is not the fresh air, the pure water, or the fertile soil. It is not the caring neighbors, words of encouragement from an elder, or a child’s hug. It is not laughter, inspiration, or fascination. It is not delicious, and it is not warm. Money is a great tool, and I am not saying that we can create a society free of it. But I’ve learned that when I get fixated on the idea of scarcity, suddenly money becomes the determinant of my happiness, and I miss out on all the riches that surround me. Instead, I’ve learned to crunch my numbers and work my business. Then, before I get swallowed up in money problems, I remind myself of the three corollaries to the Money Paradox.

1. Increased income does not guarantee increased happiness

Happiness researchers have repeatedly shown us that, once our basic physical needs are met, more money and more material wealth does not correlate with more happiness. This doesn’t mean that money is irrelevant to our happiness: if we are physically uncomfortable, and money can help us achieve comfort, then it certainly helps us feel better. But after that point, there isn’t a direct correlation. In his comprehensive review of happiness research, Richard Layard outlined seven factors that impact happiness: (1) family relationships, (2) financial situation, (3) work, (4) community and friends, (5) health, (6) personal freedom, and (7) personal values. Income was only one small part in the overall equation. Bob and I have observed this. In all the years we’ve been together, the year we made the most money was our hardest. We were excited and bursting with pride, thinking we’d finally “made it” in the “real world.” Then we discovered it held the most stress, stress-related ailments and, paradoxically, the most worries about money . . . which leads me to the next corollary.

2. Too much material wealth can be stagnating

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Simply put, the more you have, the more you have to lose. “I also have in my mind that seemingly wealthy, but most terribly impoverished class of all,” wrote Thoreau, “who have accumulated dross, but know not how to use it, or get rid of it, and thus have forged their own golden or silver fetters.” “We may need to work harder at mitigating the complications arising from wealth than we do at acquiring it,” argues Nassim Nicholas Taleb, author of Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder. He believes, like Thoreau, that beyond a certain level, too much money makes people’s lives more complicated, with more things to take care of, more possessions to worry about, more assets to manage. “Success brings an asymmetry,” writes Taleb. “You now have a lot more to lose than to gain. You are hence fragile.” Like the lawyer with the fancy car who couldn’t save enough money, acquiring too much can make us feel like we have too much to lose when we consider taking risks and changing our lives. We become so worried about protecting what we have, we forge our gold and silver fetters. We can’t take pleasure in the game of life, take chances with our creativity, and tackle those problems that are most important to us.

3. You will always want more money

Two mornings ago, Bob and I sat beside our favorite little waterfall, watching the snow melt and drinking our morning coffee. We were pondering the fact that the roof of the café needs insulation, that the building needs paint, and a few other repair and maintenance issues. Lulled by the magic of the waterfall, we wished ourselves a sudden windfall of ten thousand dollars. What would we do with it? We prioritized the repairs, then pondered whether we should take a more expensive vacation than our planned road trip to Quebec. We wondered if we should pay off the loan we took out to fix up the top-floor apartment. Or if we should use it to start work on some high-quality farm-labor housing. Or maybe we should bank it, in case the septic finally goes. And then, of course, Ol’ Blue, our trusty RAV4 who’s well into her second decade, has a few hundred thousand miles on her, so we might need to deal with that soon . . . Within five minutes, a magical ten-grand windfall was suddenly not enough. It was an amazing mathematical phenomenon—we left the house that morning feeling as though everything was stable and grand, and in the course of one daydream, we found ourselves broke. That’s the funny thing about money. It has a mysterious mist around it that, when we breathe it in, makes us believe there’s never enough. And as Bob and I recalled that simple fact, we relaxed back into our day. There’s no sense worrying about trying to get more money, because just as soon as it comes, we’ll worry about getting more money. Better to do the best with what’s available, assume that whatever you have is never enough according to some mythical standard, and move forward with living the life you want. Devote a minute or two each day to pondering the mysteries of money’s elusiveness, then get back to enjoying your day.

Understanding the Money Paradox, we’ve learned that the closer we live to our ideals, the wealthier we become, even if our income goes down. How does this happen?

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First, when we live by our ideals of family, community, planet, and social justice, we develop a habit of turning our cash resources, which are always declining in value, into resources with enduring value: garden seeds and the knowledge to grow food; durable equipment for cooking and canning that lasts; buildings to host businesses and homes; repairs on houses where we’ll live for generations. These are resources that feed, shelter, and provide a livelihood, regardless of the value of our cash. Second, when we live closer to our ideals, we become wealthier as our natural-resource wealth increases. The fertility of the soil improves. The trash is picked up from the roadsides. We step forward to protect the lands and waters from exploitation, then reward ourselves with a clear refreshing drink of pure water, a splash into a pond, or a day taking in the beauty of a woodland trail. And finally, our quality of life improves. When family and community and planet are our ideals, we make a point to enjoy them. The more we invest in them, the more rewarding they are. Thus, income may go down, but joy goes up. We find more beauty, more creativity, more rewarding relationships. These are the things with true enduring value. But before we build on these ideas further, it’s helpful to understand what that quality of life looks like, because it’s different for everyone. This project was supported by my patrons on Patreon, who support my blog, podcast and winter writing projects. Keep the good stuff coming by signing on for as little as $1 a month here.

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