What is the 90 10 rule in relationships?

The 90-10 rule is about making it clear—through words, actions, body language, whatever tools you have—what you want to do, and then letting the other person decide if it's what they want too. If she doesn't "come the other 10," there's no kiss.

glamour.com - One of the Best Definitions of Consent I've Ever Seen Is in 'Hitch' | Glamour

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Go ninety.

Whatever you're doing, just go 90 and let the other person come 10. By which I do not mean stick 90 percent of your penis into someone and then ask if this is what they like. The 90-10 rule is about making it clear—through words, actions, body language, whatever tools you have—what you want to do, and then letting the other person decide if it's what they want too. If she doesn't "come the other 10," there's no kiss. If you ask someone out in a way that demonstrates your enthusiasm and how much thought you've put into the date (doing 90 percent of the work), while also making it clear that the other person has the option to say no (without, say, causing you to break down or hurt them/yourself—two tactics abusers use to get what they want) and she says no, there's no date. It's just a guideline, of course, and nothing replaces verbal communication, but if Will Smith can give Kevin James a pretty workable definition of How to Come On to Someone Without Being a Creep in three and a half minutes, you and your gang can follow it. (I also think it's worth noting that this is a guy-to-guy moment. It shouldn't always—or, ideally, ever—be on women to educate men on how to have, you know, basic humanity. Guys can and should call out their friends when they step over the line and teach them methods for navigating the dating world with manners, dignity, and Not Being a Damn Rapist.)

"You don't go the whole hundred!"

These lessons are crucial to have in romantic comedies, which have long functioned as a lens through which society can see and satirize its dating habits and the current state of play between the sexes. Though there are a ton of resources for people who want to learn about rape culture and consent, the fact is, it's often not until college that many people encounter them (though a lot of people are working to change that). By that time I'd say the average woman has seen upwards of a dozen romantic comedies, and she's probably internalized at least some of their messages. The same way the cereal industry got kids hooked on sugar through ads in Saturday-morning cartoons—get ’em early, hit ’em often—we have to popularize digestible messages of consent. Hitch isn't the only rom com to do this. Legally Blonde, Miss Congeniality, and Clueless, among others, feature scenes in which the female protagonist clearly and explicitly demands control over her own body, and she's not considered shrill or frigid and she's not punished for doing so. (And if, after all those, someone still isn't getting it, show them Thelma and Louise.) Romantic comedies are many people's first lessons in how to comport themselves in a sexualized situation. We should remember the times those movies get it right, and we should take note of the shorthand reminders. You go 90, and wait for the other person to go 10. And if they don't, maybe they're…just not that into you.

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How do I make him realize my worth?

11+ Ways to Make Your Boyfriend Realize Your Importance and Worth 1 Let him make time for you. 2 Stop doing favors for him. 3 Go out with your friends. 4 Post some pics on social media. 5 Give yourself a makeover. 6 Flirt with other guys. 7 Dive into your hobbies. 8 Go out on dates together. More items... •

wikihow.com - 11+ Ways to Make Your Boyfriend Realize Your Importance and Worth

Question

How do I keep my boyfriend interested in me?

Elvina Lui, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist Marriage & Family Therapist Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model. Elvina Lui, MFT Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Answer The wording of this question is concerning because it implies that a boyfriend should lose interest, which in turn implies that the attraction was based on shallow qualities. My advice is to build the relationship from a deeper place. I am not discounting the value of physical attraction, because physical attraction is definitely an important part of the picture, I am merely telling you to make sure you are also bonded in other meaningful ways. For some people, their partner is the only person in the world who knows their story, think about how special that is and how unreplaceable you are to your partner. Another lasting bond would be working towards a common dream. As you two grew closer and learned of each other's dreams, the more you two integrate your efforts and direction, the stronger your bond will become.

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