Affluent Savvy
Affluent Savvy
Photo: EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA
Less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call, a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is, and remains, undefined. "A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship," explains psychotherapist and author Jonathan Alpert.
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Learn More »On the one hand, removing the pressure of putting parameters on what the relationship is and isn't can be freeing – as long as both parties are okay with leaving things open. On the flip side, not knowing where you stand can be detrimental, especially if one party wants more of a commitment. "This vagueness often leads one person to feel uncertainty, anxiety, frustration, resentment, helpless and sometimes even depressed," Alpert says.
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Learn More »In a friends with benefits scenario, sporadic meetups are part of the landscape. But because of the lack of established parameters, Manly says situationships will generally feel inconsistent and unstable. A few other signs include: An absence of plans. Attempts to make plans in advance are usually met with an ambiguous response due to lack of commitment. Connections are often impromptu and based on having sex or “hanging out.” There may be a sense that dates are opportunistic and due to one or both partners not having anything else to do. Attempts to make plans in advance are usually met with an ambiguous response due to lack of commitment. Connections are often impromptu and based on having sex or “hanging out.” There may be a sense that dates are opportunistic and due to one or both partners not having anything else to do. Conversations that tend to be superficial and often sexual in nature. Partners can exist in situationships for years without getting to really know each other beyond surface level conversations that pertain to their immediate gratification. Partners can exist in situationships for years without getting to really know each other beyond surface level conversations that pertain to their immediate gratification. You haven't met their friends or family members. The relationship never evolves past the two of you spending time together sporadically and as such, you're not factored into your partner's plans with friends or family. The relationship never evolves past the two of you spending time together sporadically and as such, you're not factored into your partner's plans with friends or family. There's no talk about what's next. Future plans are not discussed because you may not be a part of the other person's life long term. Attempts to gain clarity on where this might be going are met with ambiguity.
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Learn More »And if the person isn't receptive to moving into more serious territory? Manly says to find opportunities to look at this situationship as a learning experience. "It's important to process the up sides and down sides of the situationship without blame or judgment," she says. Were there red flags you ignored? Did you tend to settle throughout the situationship for less than you wanted or needed? Digging into these questions can help inform what you want out of your next relationship — which will help you avoid falling into another situationship that isn't serving you.
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