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What does cushioning mean in dating?

"Cushioning" is what we used to call "having a back-up plan" or "plan B" — basically, someone waiting in the wings. It is having other dating options in case the current relationship fizzles.

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Online dating has caused an epic change in the way we date, for singles in their 20s — and in their 60s or 70s! Along with thousands of sites and apps doling out eligible singles both near and far, a whole new lingo has emerged. If you've just gotten used to terms like ghosting, "Netflix and chill" and breadcrumbing, "cushioning" is the latest term to learn. "Cushioning" is what we used to call "having a back-up plan" or "plan B" — basically, someone waiting in the wings. It is having other dating options in case the current relationship fizzles.

RELATED: 5 relationship warning signs couples should never ignore

Cushioning can be outright cheating on an exclusive partner (to keep options open either early on or even deep into the relationship), or it can be flirtatious texting back and forth with new eligible singles. The "cushion"' (i.e. people you're flirting with) are there to soften your relationship fall — in case of a sudden break-up.

If you're padding your relationship with cushions, you may want to do some work to better understand why you're staying in the relationship in the first place. Is it because it's still too early to tell if this is a good person for you? Do you feel insecure about your partner's interest in you? Do you feel like you have trouble committing to one person? Or maybe you feel there already red flags around your partner that make you feel nervous?

If you feel like your partner may be cushioning you, here are some tell-tale signs:

1. They keep their phone on them at ALL times.

And you can't help but notice that it's always buzzing or beeping. They never let you see who is messaging them, and they certainly would never give you their pass code. If you do happen to take a look at their phone, you can tell they've deleted message chains. They're not just texting with mom and dad.

RELATED: Could our social media connections actually hurt our relationships

2. Their behavior can be hot and cold.

You may not hear from them for a couple of days because they are "very busy." After some disappearances, they reappear again as if nothing was wrong. They may also be secretive about their whereabouts and give evasive answers to even the simplest of questions. 3. Your gut says something is off, but you can't quite put your finger on it.

Start listening to your intuition!

4. They're secretive when it comes to social media.

If they're on social media and you walk into the room, they quickly close down the screen.

5. They are less interested in being intimate with you.

Consider this with caution, though, as there can also be many physical or emotional reasons around decreasing libido, which don't have to be a result of cheating. If you are looking for lasting and healthy love, it is best to stay away from cushions or being the cushion — the only cushions you want around you are the kind you and your mate can cozy your heads up to! Bela Gandhi is the president of Smart Dating Academy, a date and relationship coaching service that helps singles find happy and lasting love at all ages.

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What are the 3 C's of a relationship?

A strong and healthy relationship is built on the three C's: Communication, Compromise and Commitment. Think about how to use communication to make your partner feel needed, desired and appreciated.

February may be the month of love, but it takes more than chocolates, flowers and dinner dates to make a relationship work. A strong and healthy relationship is built on the three C’s: Communication, Compromise and Commitment. Whether starting a new relationship or celebrating decades of marriage, here is a refresher course in the three C’s:

Communication

Think about how to use communication to make your partner feel needed, desired and appreciated. Communication is verbal and non-verbal, so actions speak volumes, and remember that listening is a major component of healthy communication. It’s not always what is said, but how it is said, that’s important. If a couple communicates with aggression, the silent treatment or abusive language or actions, it signals concerns that might best be addressed by a professional.

Compromise

Two people in a relationship bring individual experiences, thoughts, behaviors and personalities to the table. Finding common ground means expressing opinions, understanding and accepting differences and agreeing on compromise. If both people feel heard and understood, it helps prevent one person from feeling like they’re giving in, which can build resentment over time.

Commitment

Commitment means putting each other and the relationship first. This requires a lot of giving, and certainly some sacrifice, but the payoff is a relationship that brings true joy and fulfillment to each other’s lives. Knowing that each person is committed to working through challenges and growing together builds trust and intimacy, and helps release the fears and doubts that hold couples back. Relationships can be challenging, and can take a toll on mental, emotional and physical health, mood, or even focus at work. For help with any relationship or personal concern, contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) provided by ACI Specialty Benefits at 800.932.0034 or eapinfo@acispecialtybenefits.com.

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