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What does cookie jarring mean?

Cookie-jarring is where you find yourself being left on the shelf as an option instead of the main choice. Relationships expert Annabelle Knight told Metro that cookie-jarring is: 'The act of leading someone to believe that the connection they share will lead to a relationship while knowing that it will not.

virginradio.co.uk - Have you heard of the latest dating trend: 'cookie-jarring?' - Virgin Radio

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Have you heard of the latest dating trend: 'cookie-jarring?'

Virgin Radio

22 Jul 2022, 10:39

First there was ghosting an bread crumbing, now there's a new dating trend to deal with: cookie-jarring. Being single and trying to find love can be a minefield in the modern world of dating, and many people are falling foul of this new trend.

It can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

So what exactly is cookie-jarring and how can we avoid it?

A prime example played out on Love Island this week.

One of the contestants, Dami, called Summer 'fake' after she said she thought the pair had a genuine connection but he left her for his original partner. He then went on to kiss Summer in a challenge, looking like he was keeping her on the back burner. Cookie-jarring is where you find yourself being left on the shelf as an option instead of the main choice. Relationships expert Annabelle Knight told Metro that cookie-jarring is: ‘The act of leading someone to believe that the connection they share will lead to a relationship while knowing that it will not. ‘The person on the receiving end is often seen as a “backup” in case of ending up alone.’ The phrase means the "cookie jarrer" will never go ‘hungry’ due to keeping "cookies" available. Dating expert Hayley Quinn says: "It ultimately signifies that they are not ready, nor interested. 'When Dami said, “Summer isn’t over yet” and decided to re-couple with Summer after Casa Amor, it sent a strong signal to her that their connection was strong enough to displace his relationship with Indiyah.’ 'Dami’s real reason for doing this might have been, so he had more potential options competing for him in the villa. 'When he argued with Summer about his actions, Dami refused to be accountable, claiming he was, “being friendly.” 'It would be hard for most people to interpret kissing under the covers as ‘”friendliness”, but by minimising his behaviour, Dami was consciously trying to shift the blame, even going so far as calling Summer a “fake”. Annabelle explains: ‘If you have no intention of carrying on a relationship with the person you are exploring with – and you haven’t told them this – then it is problematic and unfair on them. ‘It is arguably possible to cookie-jar someone without meaning to, as you might start exploring something with someone while not fully knowing your heart is elsewhere. If this happens it is your duty to immediately end the cookie-jar relationship, as anything beyond this point becomes intentional.’

Have you been on the receiving end of this?

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What is a backburner relationship?

According to the study, a back-burner is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement”.

stylist.co.uk - Back-burner relationships: why can't I move on from my ex? - Stylist

What are back-burner relationships?

“There is a fundamental difference between remaining friends with, or occasionally connecting with, your ex and a back-burner relationship,” psychologist Dr Jaime Zuckerman tells Stylist. “Maintaining a back-burner relationship with an ex, when used as a means to avoid a deeper level of emotional commitment, can have a negative impact on your primary relationship.” “With back-burner relationships, you keep the door open to the possibility of a liaison with someone from your past,” agrees dating coach Hayley Quinn. “If you’re single, you may want to keep the possibility of reconnecting with someone open as it feels nicer to have an option than no one at all. If you’re in a relationship, keeping contact with a past partner or crush could also be a way of not placing all your eggs in one basket.” The researchers behind the 2014 back-burner study found that 73% of respondents in their study stated that they had more than one back-burner, regardless of whether they were single, casually dating or in a committed relationship. In fact, the majority of those surveyed (56%) admitted to having back-burners while in a relationship.

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