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What do you not say when a parent dies?

5 Things NOT to Say to Someone Who Loses a Parent “I understand.” The truth is that no one truly knows what another person thinks and feels. ... “When I lost my parent…” ... “They are in a better place.” ... “Everything happens for a reason.” ... “There is always a silver lining.”

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How to Support Someone Who Loses a Parent

Whether someone is grieving an expected loss or a sudden one, coping with the death of a parent is incredibly difficult. When considering how and when to provide support, it helps to consider your relationship with the individual, the context of the situation, and what you know about how they respond to specific kinds of support. Reaching out with condolences, doing something helpful like getting them groceries or cooking a meal, and offering additional support may be appropriate. Not enough support can appear uncaring while too much may be overbearing. Gauge how they respond.

When to Offer Condolences

When offering condolences to a loved one, it is never too early nor too late. As long as it is delivered with kindness and respect, any message can be meaningful. Phone calls, text messages, in-person responses, and written notes are all appropriate ways to show someone you care. Just remember that your audience is experiencing an intensely emotional situation, so even the best messages may not be well-received. Be patient and understanding.

What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost Their Mother

Although losing either parent can be extremely difficult, people often have a special and innate connection with their mother. This may be especially true for daughters. If you’re looking for something to say, it helps to respond accordingly with something sensitive and supportive. Note that in some cases, saying nothing can also show support. Nonverbal expressions often express more than words ever could, so if you’re struggling to think of what to say to someone who has lost a loved one, an empathetic exchange – particularly eye contact or a warm embrace (if you’re familiar with the individual) – can go a long way. It’s also important to remember that each of the five stages of grief is personal. Here are 17 comforting things to say to someone who has lost their mother: 1. “Although I am struggling to find the right words right now, I want you to know that I care about you.” There is no perfect thing to say when someone loses their mother; this kind of honest admission is more comforting than saying something that feels awkward to you both.

2. “Please accept my sincerest condolences for your loss.”

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This statement, though relatively general, extends your sympathy. It also avoids apologizing for something you did not do. When in doubt, this is a solid go-to. 3. “Losing a mother is never easy. Always know I am here for you.” This supportive statement indicates that you know the other is going through a difficult time without trying to pinpoint exactly what they’re feeling.

4. “She was such a beautiful woman. We all loved her dearly.”

The word “beautiful” here extends beyond physical appearance toward inner character, which makes this a strong compliment. It indicates that all those in her company loved her dearly.

5. “She was a mother to us all.”

This is a powerful statement that expresses the sentiment that everyone felt loved by her because she was a loving and caring person. 6. “It’s hard for me to imagine what you’re going through, but whatever you feel is completely normal. I am always here to talk and will help you through this.” Again, we don’t want to assign or falsely identify emotions in other people. A statement like this affirms whatever they’re feeling while extending an invitation to speak about it on their own terms.

7. “I loved her, too, and will miss her so much.”

A comment like this should only be used if you truly were close to their mother. It does not insinuate having stronger feelings than they do, but it shows that you’re experiencing the pain together. 8. “Although your mother is no longer with us, she will always be remembered. I see many of your mother’s greatest qualities in you.” From here you may extend a specific positive quality and share a warm story, but it must be genuine and not patronizing. This should also only be used if you had a positive relationship with their mother.

9. “I wish you comfort during this extremely difficult time.”

This statement indicates that you hope the individual can get through one of life’s most significant stressors with minimal pain and suffering; however, it doesn’t minimize the situation or suggest anything unattainable. 10. “Extending my warmest energy, positive thoughts, and prayers to you and your loved ones.”

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Any one of these short affirmations or a combination of them shows that you care and are keeping them in your thoughts. 11. “If she were here right now, she would be so proud of the way you are handling this.” If you knew their mother well and are confident that she would have felt this way, it can serve as a strong affirmation. 12. “Your mother has made such a remarkable impact on us all; there is a piece of her in all of us.” This is a comforting statement as it serves as a reminder that their mother will always be there through the actions of others. It shows that her life had meaning and many people will carry on her legacy.

13. “My favorite memory of your mother is when…”

It is comforting to share a warm memory. If appropriate, a humorous story may help lighten the mood temporarily; however, do use discretion.

14. “I am going to begin helping with…”

One of the last things someone who has lost a mother wants to feel is like a burden. Rather than request that they reach out to you for anything, take it upon yourself to do something (with their permission). 15. “Even though I never met her, she always sounded like an amazing person.” Without any direct contact with their mother, what to say can seem confusing. Focus on the positive stories you’ve heard to draw inspiration. 16. “I know your relationship was complicated, but I believe she really loved you.” In reality, some people have difficult or dysfunctional relationships with their mothers. In these situations, the person may not respond well to overly positive tributes. It may be best to acknowledge the hardships.

17. “This is awful. I’m so sorry.”

Sometimes the best responses are simple, straightforward, and from the heart.

choosingtherapy.com - What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost a Parent - Choosing Therapy

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