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How many dates before you call it quits?

Three dates is a good rule of thumb. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up. If you want to keep trying, go for it, but make sure to be careful of his feelings too.

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You can't call it quits after a decent first date. Nerves can make people act and feel unnatural. If you really enjoyed chatting with him but just aren't sure it felt romantic, go out with him again. You're not going to regret spending some more time with a decent guy, even if sparks don't develop. But if they do, squee! You absolutely can call it quits after a miserable first date (or even before it). If you've been single for a long time and/or heard the old "You're just too picky" advice (blech), you may feel pressured to keep an open mind. An open mind is good, but you know how people who hit it off right away are like, "When you know, you know" and you're like, "Shut up you lucky brat"? Well, you can know something isn't right too. Don't go out with someone you just know it isn't going to happen with. It's not worth your time or his. That also applies to guys you haven't even met yet (like the dude who emailed me via OKCupid but used the dreaded C word to refer to women in his profile. See ya never!) Three dates is a good rule of thumb. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but let's say you spend two to three hours together on each date, with some emailing, texting, or phone time in between. That's a pretty fair amount of time together. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up. If you want to keep trying, go for it, but make sure to be careful of his feelings too. Eventually, you're gonna need the Urge To Kiss. My friend inspired this one today by making that announcement to me about a lunch date she has. Basically, if she still feels no urge to kiss him, which she hasn't on previous dates, she's going to tell him they should stick to being friends. If he's sweet but you're just not physically into it, let him go find someone who is, and then you can find someone you can barely keep your hands off of. Let me know if you think these are sensible or not, or whether you have anything to add to my list...

What are your rules? Do you need a spark on the first date or it's over? If not, how long will you give it?

Spark it up:

Let's Talk Chemistry: Are Sparks Necessary?

The Fastest Way to Create Sparks with Your Boyfriend

Why guys need to feel a spark

Photo: Thinkstock

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What is the 2 year itch?

The optimum time for couples to decide to stay together or part is after they have been together for two years. The finding, from an analysis of 25,000 cohabiting British couples, undermines commitment-phobes who delay deciding because they want to have more time to be sure.

The longer a cohabiting couple live together, the lower the chance they will go on to marry A study of 25,000 British couples says ‘a major relationship transition’ for cohabiting partners usually comes within three years of living together It used to be so simple. A man and a woman wanting a sexual relationship would first have to decide whether they were prepared to marry. Birth control swept away that social convention, but created a new era of uncertainty, with couples left to work out for themselves when is the best time to commit to each other or move on. Now there is an answer. The optimum time for couples to decide to stay together or part is after they have been together for two years. The finding, from an analysis of 25,000 cohabiting British couples, undermines commitment-phobes who delay deciding because they want to have more time to be sure. After two years, the chances of marriage decline.

Harry Benson, research director at

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