How do you talk to someone after a death?

Things that can be helpful Say how sorry you are. ... Share a memory. ... Offer them space to talk. ... Tell them however they feel is OK. ... Recognise how hard it is for them. ... Ask if there is anything they need. ... Tell them you're thinking of them. ... Sometimes you don't need to say anything.

sueryder.org - What to say to someone who has been bereaved - Sue Ryder

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Things that can be helpful

Say how sorry you are

When someone is grieving, it’s important to acknowledge what has happened and express your sympathy. This can be as brief as saying "I’m so sorry for your loss", or "I heard about your dad, I’m so sorry". If you knew the person who has died, you could also share a memory or say what they meant to you. You might say something like, "I remember your mum’s brilliant speech at your wedding", or "I’ll miss your grandad's wonderful sense of humour".

Offer them space to talk

Many bereaved people say it helps to be able to speak freely about how they’re feeling. Saying "How are you doing?" gives them a chance to talk about it if they want to. If you know the person quite well, you could ask them directly, "Would you like to talk about it?". Let them know you’re happy to listen to any feelings they want to share.

Tell them however they feel is OK

People who are grieving can experience a huge range of emotions, including shock, sadness, pain, anger, guilt, anxiety and numbness. Their feelings will be unique to them and their relationship with the person who has died. If they do talk to you about their grief, be open to whatever emotions they are experiencing. Let them know that however they feel is OK – there is no "right" way to grieve.

Recognise how hard it is for them

When someone is going through a bereavement, you may want to take their pain away. Although this isn’t possible, acknowledging it by saying, "I’m sorry I can’t make things better", "I’m sorry it’s so hard for you", or "I’m sorry things are so tough right now" can help them feel heard and supported.

Ask if there is anything they need

You may want to help but not know how. Ask the bereaved person if there is anything they need, and let them know you’re ready to support them. If they seem unsure, you could suggest specific things, such as cooking them a meal or doing their shopping.

Tell them you’re thinking of them

Sending someone who is grieving a message to say you’re thinking of them will show them they don’t have to cope alone. You may not be able to change what they are going through, but knowing you care could give them some comfort.

Sometimes you don’t need to say anything

When you are with a bereaved person, take your cue from them in terms of how much they want to talk. It may be that just spending time quietly alongside someone can help them cope with their grief.

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