Affluent Savvy
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Can you touch cremated ashes?

The average cremated adult will produce about five pounds of pulverized bone fragments, a coarse powder that is sterile and safe to touch, even if the person died of a communicable disease.

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“Keep your back to the wind,” says Gail Rubin, a death educator in Albuquerque. You want the ashes to disperse out onto the land or water rather than blow back in your face. If you’re unsure of the wind direction, throw a pinch of dirt or sand into the air first and watch which way it goes. The average cremated adult will produce about five pounds of pulverized bone fragments, a coarse powder that is sterile and safe to touch, even if the person died of a communicable disease. Try to scatter, not dump. “It helps to have a trowel or a spoon or ladle or something to scoop with,” Rubin says. Last year in the United States, over half of those who died were cremated. In some states, like Nevada, that number is closer to 80 percent. Often the deceased will not leave behind specific directions for where to put their ashes. If you decide to take them out into the world, choose a place the person loved. Research local, state, tribal and federal regulations. For example, the National Park Service issues permits for ash-scattering in parks like Yosemite so long as it is: done out of public view; at least 100 yards from any waterway; and no marker is left behind. On land, Rubin suggests finding a discrete and distinctive landmark, like a large boulder, that you’ll remember and can revisit. Note the location with GPS coordinates. At sea, human remains, including ashes, must be thrown at least three nautical miles from land. Rubin once surreptitiously dropped a biodegradable bag of her brother-in-law’s ashes off the side of a cruise ship crossing the Bermuda Triangle. “There are no cremation police,” she says. Still, be decent. Rubin thinks the people who drop cremains off the rides at Disneyland, causing regular ride closures, have gone too far. Start and end with some kind of ritual. Say a prayer, a poem, a remembrance. Scatter with intention. “Because people are afraid of death, they’re afraid of the ceremonies around death,” Rubin says. It’s OK if your hands get dirty. Don’t worry if the ashes fall on your shoes. Don’t fret if the wind shifts and dusts your skin in the powdery calcium phosphate of bones. “It won’t kill you,” Rubin says, “but it’ll probably make you cough.”

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Can you wear floral to a funeral?

For women, adding color can be done through patterns and floral designs. Much like with men's funeral attire, color should be used to subtly accent your outfit. Try to make sure that your outfit does not have overly bright colors or wild patterns that draw attention.

If you have an upcoming funeral, you might find yourself in this predicament. Although there is no perfect answer to this, we can offer the following advice.

When in doubt, always play it safe and dress conservatively.

If the family feels that colorful clothing would be a great way to pay tribute, they will be the ones to let you know. If this is the case, they will express this desire to the funeral director or include it on their loved one’s obituary. However, they may want to have a more traditional funeral service and might feel it is disrespectful if guests are in bright clothing. If you are unsure, we recommend speaking with the funeral director. In the time leading up to the service, the family should not be bothered with questions about clothing choices. For some people, the thought of wearing dark clothes seems out of place or just plain wrong. This is especially true if your loved one was bubbly or uplifting. In this case, wearing dark and somber colored clothing does not reflect the personality of the deceased. Rather than dressing in black, the deceased would probably have preferred bright and colorful clothes to honor them.

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